This exchange takes place before the ‘last supper’ that Jesus had with his Disciples before he faced the cross. John records with beautiful detail that a deeply contemplative Jesus rose from his seat and began to prepare himself and a basin of water to wash his disciples feet. The disciples were perplexed… Peter exclaimed "You shall never wash my feet!” Peter didn’t say this out of pride or ignorance. I think Peter had a revelation that Jesus was the Son of God - not a man confined to the dust of the earth, but 100% otherworldly, spiritual, eternal, born of God the Divine. The living expression of divine inspiration. He was aghast that such a man, such a prince, such a force would ever stoop so low as to wash his soiled feet. But Jesus knew that what he was about to endure and overcome on the cross would change their lives forever. He wanted to SHOW his friends the extent of his grace and love, how he wanted to mix into them and become a part of their lives. He was weaving a story of continued grace… Jesus answered, “Peter you don’t understand what I am doing, but someday you will… If I do not wash your feet, you cannot share companionship with me.” Peter, now filled with recognition, begged “then not just my feet Lord, but wash my head and hands too.” Relationship with Christ is two-way, just as all relationships are. You cannot receive redemption unless you allow Jesus to give it to you. It’s a miraculous and divine exchange. Jesus wanted to wash their feet. Feet that had walked down many different roads; some clean, others filthy. Journeys of hard work, alleyways of despair, mountains of challenge, valleys of heartache, fields of delight, and roads of progress... Whatever had held up their lives and coloured them in any way, Jesus wanted to baptise, refresh and renew, wash clean and restore; not just their feet, but their lives weary from the journeys of living. Peter wanted all in with Jesus - he wanted his whole life, not just his footsteps, but his thoughts and actions too, to be bathed in the power of Christ… He didn't yet know that Jesus blood would be poured out. That Jesus death, burial and resurrection would ignite redemption within him and set him free from the bonds of his sins past, present and future. But even from the moment of redemption - a full body bathed and cleansed with the power of Christ - we still walk in a world tainted by hate, lust, despair, fear… things contrary to the presence and person of Jesus. Things that move in opposition to his divine nature and grace. We need to come to him daily to reconcile the things we pick up along the way; the soiling of the world that wants to infect our hearts with its disease. Jesus was showing his friends this. They would understand in time that he is not a distant saviour, but a personal, all involved, not afraid of a little dirt or caked mud kind-of-Saviour. The kind we desperately need. If Jesus is leading you down paths that you don’t understand… trust him. He knows what he’s doing - the story he writes is involved, beautiful and complete… let it unfold. There is grace for the journey now and always.
This exchange takes place before the ‘last supper’ that Jesus had with his Disciples before he faced the cross. John records with beautiful detail that a deeply contemplative Jesus rose from his seat and began to prepare himself and a basin of water to wash his disciples feet. The disciples were perplexed… Peter exclaimed "You shall never wash my feet!” Peter didn’t say this out of pride or ignorance. I think Peter had a revelation that Jesus was the Son of God - not a man confined to the dust of the earth, but 100% otherworldly, spiritual, eternal, born of God the Divine. The living expression of divine inspiration. He was aghast that such a man, such a prince, such a force would ever stoop so low as to wash his soiled feet. But Jesus knew that what he was about to endure and overcome on the cross would change their lives forever. He wanted to SHOW his friends the extent of his grace and love, how he wanted to mix into them and become a part of their lives. He was weaving a story of continued grace… Jesus answered, “Peter you don’t understand what I am doing, but someday you will… If I do not wash your feet, you cannot share companionship with me.” Peter, now filled with recognition, begged “then not just my feet Lord, but wash my head and hands too.” Relationship with Christ is two-way, just as all relationships are. You cannot receive redemption unless you allow Jesus to give it to you. It’s a miraculous and divine exchange. Jesus wanted to wash their feet. Feet that had walked down many different roads; some clean, others filthy. Journeys of hard work, alleyways of despair, mountains of challenge, valleys of heartache, fields of delight, and roads of progress... Whatever had held up their lives and coloured them in any way, Jesus wanted to baptise, refresh and renew, wash clean and restore; not just their feet, but their lives weary from the journeys of living. Peter wanted all in with Jesus - he wanted his whole life, not just his footsteps, but his thoughts and actions too, to be bathed in the power of Christ… He didn't yet know that Jesus blood would be poured out. That Jesus death, burial and resurrection would ignite redemption within him and set him free from the bonds of his sins past, present and future. But even from the moment of redemption - a full body bathed and cleansed with the power of Christ - we still walk in a world tainted by hate, lust, despair, fear… things contrary to the presence and person of Jesus. Things that move in opposition to his divine nature and grace. We need to come to him daily to reconcile the things we pick up along the way; the soiling of the world that wants to infect our hearts with its disease. Jesus was showing his friends this. They would understand in time that he is not a distant saviour, but a personal, all involved, not afraid of a little dirt or caked mud kind-of-Saviour. The kind we desperately need. If Jesus is leading you down paths that you don’t understand… trust him. He knows what he’s doing - the story he writes is involved, beautiful and complete… let it unfold. There is grace for the journey now and always.
Part Two There’s a tension in life that begs “there must be something more than this, more than what I have right now...” Part of it comes from not living in the moment and seeing how truly incredible the gift of life is. And the other part comes from a place that is hardwired into every human being. There’s an eternal thread weaved through us all, a connection to another world, time and space... Our Maker left His mark within us. We are flesh of his making, born of his infinite spirit. I feel this strange homesickness for a land I’ve never seen. I sense it beneath a sky burgeoning with stars, when the earth is warm beneath my feet, when the ocean rains it possessive love upon the shore; I hear it in the songs my kids sing and feel it within the kind help from a stranger... This eternal thread, hidden yet unavoidable, rides upon the melodies of life and sings into our hearts, making them yearn for something all at once familiar and strange. Eternity in the heart of EVERY man and woman, the fingerprint of God, the way home... Below is a beautiful poem written about this tension, I hope it touches your heart as it does ours. MUSIC Anne Porter When I was a child I once sat sobbing on the floor Beside my mother's piano As she played and sang For there was in her singing A shy yet solemn glory My smallness could not hold And when I was asked Why I was crying I had no words for it I only shook my head And went on crying Why is it that music At its most beautiful Opens a wound in us An ache a desolation Deep as a homesickness For some far-off And half-forgotten country I've never understood Why this is so But there's an ancient legend From the other side of the world That gives away the secret Of this mysterious sorrow For centuries on centuries We have been wandering But we were made for Paradise As deer for the forest And when music comes to us With its heavenly beauty It brings us desolation For when we hear it We half remember That lost native country We dimly remember the fields Their fragrant windswept clover The birdsongs in the orchards The wild white violets in the moss By the transparent streams And shining at the heart of it Is the longed-for beauty Of the One who waits for us Who will always wait for us In those radiant meadows Yet also came to live with us And wanders where we wander.
Part Two There’s a tension in life that begs “there must be something more than this, more than what I have right now...” Part of it comes from not living in the moment and seeing how truly incredible the gift of life is. And the other part comes from a place that is hardwired into every human being. There’s an eternal thread weaved through us all, a connection to another world, time and space... Our Maker left His mark within us. We are flesh of his making, born of his infinite spirit. I feel this strange homesickness for a land I’ve never seen. I sense it beneath a sky burgeoning with stars, when the earth is warm beneath my feet, when the ocean rains it possessive love upon the shore; I hear it in the songs my kids sing and feel it within the kind help from a stranger... This eternal thread, hidden yet unavoidable, rides upon the melodies of life and sings into our hearts, making them yearn for something all at once familiar and strange. Eternity in the heart of EVERY man and woman, the fingerprint of God, the way home... Below is a beautiful poem written about this tension, I hope it touches your heart as it does ours. MUSIC Anne Porter When I was a child I once sat sobbing on the floor Beside my mother's piano As she played and sang For there was in her singing A shy yet solemn glory My smallness could not hold And when I was asked Why I was crying I had no words for it I only shook my head And went on crying Why is it that music At its most beautiful Opens a wound in us An ache a desolation Deep as a homesickness For some far-off And half-forgotten country I've never understood Why this is so But there's an ancient legend From the other side of the world That gives away the secret Of this mysterious sorrow For centuries on centuries We have been wandering But we were made for Paradise As deer for the forest And when music comes to us With its heavenly beauty It brings us desolation For when we hear it We half remember That lost native country We dimly remember the fields Their fragrant windswept clover The birdsongs in the orchards The wild white violets in the moss By the transparent streams And shining at the heart of it Is the longed-for beauty Of the One who waits for us Who will always wait for us In those radiant meadows Yet also came to live with us And wanders where we wander.
Part One This scripture follows Ecc 3:1 “To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven.” There is an ebb and flow to life that’s out of our control. We can try to hold onto summer with all our might and delay the onset of the cold... but we cannot hold back the frost, we cannot hinder summer from the continuation of its journey. Time passes with no mans help or hindrance and winter will surely come. Many of us spend time counting down the days until such and such happens, or until this season passes... we dream of what could happen, good or bad... We obsess over what is ‘not yet’, and by doing so, we miss the beauty of the ‘now.’ Beauty resides in the journey, and it’s the journey that makes the destination beautiful. When I was a student, I just wanted school to be over and completed. Once I graduated, I understood that that moment was the accumulation of my years of learning and studying. The event did not complete my schooling, but the years of learning culminated in the moment of completion. I could not have graduated from High School unless I journeyed through it. You may be in the midst of tragedy, or on Cloud 9, so diverse are the seasons... but wherever you are, keep on moving. Learn and grow. Take the time to appreciate this moment... even if it’s painful and full of heartache, let the pain do a deep work within you, ushering in healing. Then allow the moments of awe and wonder to fill you with grace and humility, strengthening you for the seasons ahead. Ps 100:5 (MSG) says, “God is sheer beauty, all generous in love, loyal always and ever.” He has made everything beautiful because he is here through and in everything. Never absent, loyal to the core. Beauty pours out of him regardless of the times. Just as the sun rises in both summer and winter, God brings out the beauty in and through every season of our lives. Don’t rush, breathe in this moment, soak up all that it can teach and reveal to you. Allow God to unveil his beauty in both heartache and triumph.
Part One This scripture follows Ecc 3:1 “To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven.” There is an ebb and flow to life that’s out of our control. We can try to hold onto summer with all our might and delay the onset of the cold... but we cannot hold back the frost, we cannot hinder summer from the continuation of its journey. Time passes with no mans help or hindrance and winter will surely come. Many of us spend time counting down the days until such and such happens, or until this season passes... we dream of what could happen, good or bad... We obsess over what is ‘not yet’, and by doing so, we miss the beauty of the ‘now.’ Beauty resides in the journey, and it’s the journey that makes the destination beautiful. When I was a student, I just wanted school to be over and completed. Once I graduated, I understood that that moment was the accumulation of my years of learning and studying. The event did not complete my schooling, but the years of learning culminated in the moment of completion. I could not have graduated from High School unless I journeyed through it. You may be in the midst of tragedy, or on Cloud 9, so diverse are the seasons... but wherever you are, keep on moving. Learn and grow. Take the time to appreciate this moment... even if it’s painful and full of heartache, let the pain do a deep work within you, ushering in healing. Then allow the moments of awe and wonder to fill you with grace and humility, strengthening you for the seasons ahead. Ps 100:5 (MSG) says, “God is sheer beauty, all generous in love, loyal always and ever.” He has made everything beautiful because he is here through and in everything. Never absent, loyal to the core. Beauty pours out of him regardless of the times. Just as the sun rises in both summer and winter, God brings out the beauty in and through every season of our lives. Don’t rush, breathe in this moment, soak up all that it can teach and reveal to you. Allow God to unveil his beauty in both heartache and triumph.
To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his own glory. - Isa 61:3 (NLT) Matt 9:15 says,“When you’re celebrating a wedding, you don’t skimp on the cake and wine. You feast. Later you may need to pull in your belt, but not now. No one throws cold water on a friendly bonfire. This is Kingdom Come!” Jesus was telling some guys who were caught up in religion (people who relied on fulfilling 'the law' to please God) that the old ways of finding God weren’t necessary anymore. He likened it to going to a wedding and weeping and mourning for the Bridegroom. I was a wedding singer (yep...you can picture me just like Adam Sandler with an 80’s haircut) for about 9 years and I saw a lot of crying at the ones I played at… but it was never ‘sad’ crying. They were mostly tears of joy, and by the end of the night they would almost always turn into laughter and fun; singing, dancing and joy! A new life for the happy couple was just beginning and it was an occasion to celebrate. Through Jesus, God was doing something completely new. He was signalling a new beginning for every person on the planet. The old ways of animal sacrifice and obedience to the law in order to have relationship with him were being transformed into a 'once for all’ event. The old life was not just the old way of doing things (law and sacrifice) but also the old way of living. Rather than constantly being at arms length with God (by sin-nature - the old way) and trying to work your way into his favour, Jesus tells us that we are already ‘in’. There’s no need to work for it or prove it anymore - we just need to believe it and walk it out. The New Way. 2 Corinthians 5 says it so well; “This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! And all of this is a gift from God, who brought us back to himself through Christ.” This ‘new life’ is cause for celebration. Living on the outer at arms length with God, separated, is hard and heartbreaking work. You’re always wondering “Am I good enough?” and living in fear that you won’t be. But when you’re close, when you realise that you are accepted in the beloved, his love moves in and casts out all fear. No need for anxiety. No need to maintain or prove your position. He turns our mourning and desperation into beauty and blessing. That's not to say that we won’t encounter hardships and tragedy along The Way. It means that through whatever we face, he is right there with us weaving his strength and peace into our lives through each and every circumstance and situation we face along The Way. Grace and love in abundance. So through all things he crowns us with beauty and strengthens us to lift our heads. Every moment is a new moment, a marriage between you and the divine, a crowning of beauty and an opportunity to sink the roots of our life deep into his love.
To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his own glory. - Isa 61:3 (NLT) Matt 9:15 says,“When you’re celebrating a wedding, you don’t skimp on the cake and wine. You feast. Later you may need to pull in your belt, but not now. No one throws cold water on a friendly bonfire. This is Kingdom Come!” Jesus was telling some guys who were caught up in religion (people who relied on fulfilling 'the law' to please God) that the old ways of finding God weren’t necessary anymore. He likened it to going to a wedding and weeping and mourning for the Bridegroom. I was a wedding singer (yep...you can picture me just like Adam Sandler with an 80’s haircut) for about 9 years and I saw a lot of crying at the ones I played at… but it was never ‘sad’ crying. They were mostly tears of joy, and by the end of the night they would almost always turn into laughter and fun; singing, dancing and joy! A new life for the happy couple was just beginning and it was an occasion to celebrate. Through Jesus, God was doing something completely new. He was signalling a new beginning for every person on the planet. The old ways of animal sacrifice and obedience to the law in order to have relationship with him were being transformed into a 'once for all’ event. The old life was not just the old way of doing things (law and sacrifice) but also the old way of living. Rather than constantly being at arms length with God (by sin-nature - the old way) and trying to work your way into his favour, Jesus tells us that we are already ‘in’. There’s no need to work for it or prove it anymore - we just need to believe it and walk it out. The New Way. 2 Corinthians 5 says it so well; “This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! And all of this is a gift from God, who brought us back to himself through Christ.” This ‘new life’ is cause for celebration. Living on the outer at arms length with God, separated, is hard and heartbreaking work. You’re always wondering “Am I good enough?” and living in fear that you won’t be. But when you’re close, when you realise that you are accepted in the beloved, his love moves in and casts out all fear. No need for anxiety. No need to maintain or prove your position. He turns our mourning and desperation into beauty and blessing. That's not to say that we won’t encounter hardships and tragedy along The Way. It means that through whatever we face, he is right there with us weaving his strength and peace into our lives through each and every circumstance and situation we face along The Way. Grace and love in abundance. So through all things he crowns us with beauty and strengthens us to lift our heads. Every moment is a new moment, a marriage between you and the divine, a crowning of beauty and an opportunity to sink the roots of our life deep into his love.
In John 16, Jesus explains to his disciples that they will face trials and troubles. They’ll be persecuted and maybe killed all in the name of God. It’s an interesting situation. A man who it was ‘assumed’ would bring physical peace and order to the world, offered none of that. Instead, Jesus explains throughout the Gospels time and again that we will experience troubles and trials. We cannot be immune to the things that have grown wild in this sin-polluted world. The point is not, and has never been, a trouble, conflict-free life. Yet, we fight trouble and conflict like it is the enemy. We get so easily distracted by the differences we find in each other and focus all our energies on proving people wrong, fighting their lifestyles and choices, arguing and fuelling hatred into the world. Trying to come out on top. Win. Dominate. (Anyone who commits a crime needs to be made accountable for their actions, I’m not saying we turn a blind eye to evils’ perpetrated). There are spiritual undertones to everything we face. Evil is present in people because evil is present. Love is present in people because love created all things in existence - the essence of the Divine, of Jesus, is love, and he is in and through all things. The word overcome means “to carry off a victory; to be victorious.” (Strongs Concordance). Like we said earlier, it was assumed that the Messiah would be a warrior, someone who would vanquish the enemies of their nation and restore them and their political and national power. Jesus had a different kind of victory in mind. He didn’t vanquish Rome; he didn’t obliterate the ‘enemies’ of Judaism, or kill to conquer... He carried out victory through personal sacrifice. When he died, when his blood soaked down the cross, and his body was buried in the earth, he was once again joined to the very fabric of creation. Heaven and earth became one, joined by sacrifice, sealed in blood, never to be separated again. Col 1:19-20 says, “God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him [Jesus], and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.” He didn’t overcome the world by dominating and killing others, rather he died in order that we might come alive, that we might wake up and see him in his fullness, become aware of the Divine permeating the natural and his presence as thick and near and close as our own blood pumping through our veins. He has overcome the clutches of darkness in our world through resurrection. Life. love. Not separating heaven and earth, but divinely joining it and waking us up to the grand mystery that is right before us and within us each and every day. When you see evil around you, TAKE HEART - Take a hold of your heart, steal yourself away from anxiety and despair, fear and hate, and choose LOVE. Awaken faith. Fight evil not by standing against each other, vanquishing and dominating and dividing, but by standing in love beside one another. Urging others to wake up and come alive to the grace and hope of Jesus. “Wake up, sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.” Paul, Eph 5:14 (NIV).
In John 16, Jesus explains to his disciples that they will face trials and troubles. They’ll be persecuted and maybe killed all in the name of God. It’s an interesting situation. A man who it was ‘assumed’ would bring physical peace and order to the world, offered none of that. Instead, Jesus explains throughout the Gospels time and again that we will experience troubles and trials. We cannot be immune to the things that have grown wild in this sin-polluted world. The point is not, and has never been, a trouble, conflict-free life. Yet, we fight trouble and conflict like it is the enemy. We get so easily distracted by the differences we find in each other and focus all our energies on proving people wrong, fighting their lifestyles and choices, arguing and fuelling hatred into the world. Trying to come out on top. Win. Dominate. (Anyone who commits a crime needs to be made accountable for their actions, I’m not saying we turn a blind eye to evils’ perpetrated). There are spiritual undertones to everything we face. Evil is present in people because evil is present. Love is present in people because love created all things in existence - the essence of the Divine, of Jesus, is love, and he is in and through all things. The word overcome means “to carry off a victory; to be victorious.” (Strongs Concordance). Like we said earlier, it was assumed that the Messiah would be a warrior, someone who would vanquish the enemies of their nation and restore them and their political and national power. Jesus had a different kind of victory in mind. He didn’t vanquish Rome; he didn’t obliterate the ‘enemies’ of Judaism, or kill to conquer... He carried out victory through personal sacrifice. When he died, when his blood soaked down the cross, and his body was buried in the earth, he was once again joined to the very fabric of creation. Heaven and earth became one, joined by sacrifice, sealed in blood, never to be separated again. Col 1:19-20 says, “God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him [Jesus], and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.” He didn’t overcome the world by dominating and killing others, rather he died in order that we might come alive, that we might wake up and see him in his fullness, become aware of the Divine permeating the natural and his presence as thick and near and close as our own blood pumping through our veins. He has overcome the clutches of darkness in our world through resurrection. Life. love. Not separating heaven and earth, but divinely joining it and waking us up to the grand mystery that is right before us and within us each and every day. When you see evil around you, TAKE HEART - Take a hold of your heart, steal yourself away from anxiety and despair, fear and hate, and choose LOVE. Awaken faith. Fight evil not by standing against each other, vanquishing and dominating and dividing, but by standing in love beside one another. Urging others to wake up and come alive to the grace and hope of Jesus. “Wake up, sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.” Paul, Eph 5:14 (NIV).
The message entrusted to the disciples by Jesus was not one of judgement, it was not about the anger or expectations of God… NO! The message they were to carry in their hearts and speak with their words and lives was one of hope - God is light. They were to awaken others with the dawning light of God's love. Light is his essence, his voice, his nature - bright, radiant, warm, rejuvenating, illuminating light. In the beginning, God said, “Let there be light…” Before he created anything else, he established light in the world - a true reflection and extension of himself. Scientists refer to light as both obvious and mysterious - we can see it clearly but its ways and behaviour have an unsearchable depth. Whenever they think they’ve got light figured out, light beautifully surprises them. Through the ages, many well-respected scientists have had many different, and often opposing, theories about light (selah) - from Pythagoras to Maxwell, to Newton, to Einstein and many in-between. Here are a couple of things we know for sure: Light is the fastest ’thing’ in the universe and travels at a speed of 186000 miles per second, which means that every second it travels almost 8 times around the world. (God is light… and he is all around us). For plants to not just grow, but maintain optimum nutrition and mineral content, they need the light from the sun to shine upon them. (It’s in Christ that we live and move and have our being). Light is not singular in colour but is made up of all existing colours. All colours, not missing one, when joined and stirred together, when they hold each other and mingle, they make the colour of light. (For God so loved ALL the world… that he gave his only son…) Jesus - the light and hope of the world. By whom we see, we know, we grow, we commune and are strengthened. He fills our hearts with his light so that we don’t have to work to get under it - we carry it with us wherever we go. The source of light is all around is, under, above us, through and in us. Jesus. As with scientists on the subject of light, we pray that you encounter the obvious and mysterious ways of Christ and that you will always and ever be beautifully surprised by his grace and love.
The message entrusted to the disciples by Jesus was not one of judgement, it was not about the anger or expectations of God… NO! The message they were to carry in their hearts and speak with their words and lives was one of hope - God is light. They were to awaken others with the dawning light of God's love. Light is his essence, his voice, his nature - bright, radiant, warm, rejuvenating, illuminating light. In the beginning, God said, “Let there be light…” Before he created anything else, he established light in the world - a true reflection and extension of himself. Scientists refer to light as both obvious and mysterious - we can see it clearly but its ways and behaviour have an unsearchable depth. Whenever they think they’ve got light figured out, light beautifully surprises them. Through the ages, many well-respected scientists have had many different, and often opposing, theories about light (selah) - from Pythagoras to Maxwell, to Newton, to Einstein and many in-between. Here are a couple of things we know for sure: Light is the fastest ’thing’ in the universe and travels at a speed of 186000 miles per second, which means that every second it travels almost 8 times around the world. (God is light… and he is all around us). For plants to not just grow, but maintain optimum nutrition and mineral content, they need the light from the sun to shine upon them. (It’s in Christ that we live and move and have our being). Light is not singular in colour but is made up of all existing colours. All colours, not missing one, when joined and stirred together, when they hold each other and mingle, they make the colour of light. (For God so loved ALL the world… that he gave his only son…) Jesus - the light and hope of the world. By whom we see, we know, we grow, we commune and are strengthened. He fills our hearts with his light so that we don’t have to work to get under it - we carry it with us wherever we go. The source of light is all around is, under, above us, through and in us. Jesus. As with scientists on the subject of light, we pray that you encounter the obvious and mysterious ways of Christ and that you will always and ever be beautifully surprised by his grace and love.
THE ART OF LOVE - A series on relationships - Part 2 ON BEING IN LOVE. Love is a many splendid thing... a deeply complicated, wonderous, mysterious, frustrating, hurtful, liberating thing. Too many relationships, and too many people, use being romantic love as a marker of significance. 'If only I had someone to love, if only someone loved me, then I would be fulfilled.' Nope. Painfully, I’ve learned that I cannot get what I feel I am missing from my partner. For years I treated Jesse like he was the key to undoing all my problems. If only he loved me the right way, if only he learned to do the things I wanted, if only he agreed with me, if only he gave me what I needed... But after more than a decade together, he didn’t. I still felt like half a person. I still felt unfulfilled. I didn’t really even know what I needed. Thomas Merton said: “The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.” Too many of us are looking for our own reflection in our partners so that we can feel affirmed and validated. We’re trying to extract something from our ‘in love’ relationship that isn’t there to be taken: value. Being romantically involved with another human doesn’t make you more valuable. That's an inside job only you can figure out. Romantic commitment isn’t two halves becoming a whole. Its two wholes choosing to dance together. Learning the steps, and relearning them every time the music of life changes, which it inevitably and consistently does. Brene Brown said: “We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection. Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.” Falling in love with myself has made the greatest impact on my relationship with Jesse. More often now, I don't try to extract my value from him. Instead, love has become the vehicle with which we share our lives. We’re both so incredibly different, its no wonder we cannot fulfil each other. But we’ve learned that our differing perspectives and beliefs and personality and opinions only enrich our experience of this world, especially when we let each other be radically ourselves. The challenge of being in love is to allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and honour each other each time more is revealed. How do you know when it's right? How do you know it will last? How do you know when to let it go or to fight for it? You can’t know these things for sure. You can’t be certain of love, you can only risk it. You can only control your giving and receiving of it. You can only commit to being authentic and true and open. You can only trust it and have faith that no matter what happens in your love and with your love, that you will learn the mysteries of life through it. Love is an act of faith. Anyone who says otherwise is selling you short. John said that only those who love can know God (1 John 4), so even though it seems like the greatest risk of our lives, there's every chance that its the most rewarding faith journey we can embark on. So, lovers, dance. Don’t make your partner dance your steps, don’t change your steps to suit your partner. Let the flow between you be one of mutuality and awe and wonder. Dance your life in full view of your partner. Share with them your pain and joy and fear and hopes and worries and dreams... all of it. So that together you can find connection in the giving and receiving of two lives being lived side by side.
THE ART OF LOVE - A series on relationships - Part 2 ON BEING IN LOVE. Love is a many splendid thing... a deeply complicated, wonderous, mysterious, frustrating, hurtful, liberating thing. Too many relationships, and too many people, use being romantic love as a marker of significance. 'If only I had someone to love, if only someone loved me, then I would be fulfilled.' Nope. Painfully, I’ve learned that I cannot get what I feel I am missing from my partner. For years I treated Jesse like he was the key to undoing all my problems. If only he loved me the right way, if only he learned to do the things I wanted, if only he agreed with me, if only he gave me what I needed... But after more than a decade together, he didn’t. I still felt like half a person. I still felt unfulfilled. I didn’t really even know what I needed. Thomas Merton said: “The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.” Too many of us are looking for our own reflection in our partners so that we can feel affirmed and validated. We’re trying to extract something from our ‘in love’ relationship that isn’t there to be taken: value. Being romantically involved with another human doesn’t make you more valuable. That's an inside job only you can figure out. Romantic commitment isn’t two halves becoming a whole. Its two wholes choosing to dance together. Learning the steps, and relearning them every time the music of life changes, which it inevitably and consistently does. Brene Brown said: “We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection. Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.” Falling in love with myself has made the greatest impact on my relationship with Jesse. More often now, I don't try to extract my value from him. Instead, love has become the vehicle with which we share our lives. We’re both so incredibly different, its no wonder we cannot fulfil each other. But we’ve learned that our differing perspectives and beliefs and personality and opinions only enrich our experience of this world, especially when we let each other be radically ourselves. The challenge of being in love is to allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and honour each other each time more is revealed. How do you know when it's right? How do you know it will last? How do you know when to let it go or to fight for it? You can’t know these things for sure. You can’t be certain of love, you can only risk it. You can only control your giving and receiving of it. You can only commit to being authentic and true and open. You can only trust it and have faith that no matter what happens in your love and with your love, that you will learn the mysteries of life through it. Love is an act of faith. Anyone who says otherwise is selling you short. John said that only those who love can know God (1 John 4), so even though it seems like the greatest risk of our lives, there's every chance that its the most rewarding faith journey we can embark on. So, lovers, dance. Don’t make your partner dance your steps, don’t change your steps to suit your partner. Let the flow between you be one of mutuality and awe and wonder. Dance your life in full view of your partner. Share with them your pain and joy and fear and hopes and worries and dreams... all of it. So that together you can find connection in the giving and receiving of two lives being lived side by side.